Ultima VII Part II: Serpent Isle

Lord British's Tyrannical Adventure

by Anonymous

Lord British was a monarch who was haughty and vain
And especially proud of his despotic reign.
But conceit of this sort isn't proper at all
And soon the old tyrant was doomed for a fall.
One day as he viewed his subjects from on high,
A voluptuous young wench caught his tired old eye.
Bending over to see, that oversexed goat
Let his gold crown slip and fall into the moat.
With a cry of sheer terror he jumped like a fool,
he rushed to his ditch (it reeked like a cesspool).
He leaped in kersplash! and sank like a stone.
(Everyone hoped for a new heir to the throne.)
But alas he came up and staggered from the sewer,
his robes smelled of offal, his breath like manure.
"Why did I do that? What possessed me today?
I'm as daft as old Iolo, and now I smell like Dupre."
"And if anyone sees me, oh what a disgrace,
I had better leave if I want to save face!"
But a crowd had assembled and stared, amazed,
the sight confused them, the stench left them dazed.
Then with a shriek a young boy began to laugh,
giggling and pointing at the king's fecal bath.
Becoming enraged, the monarch suddenly turned wild,
He looked like he wanted to strangle the child!
His hand turned to fist, he struck lightning fast,
but the old poop missed, and fell on his ass.
Not holding back, the crowd soon roared,
The laughter was deafening. It grew till it soared.
But the king found no humor and called for his men.
The arrival of the guard quickly silenced the din.
"For all of you who found humor in my sorrow and misfortune
Will soon find the rack! And pain! And contortion!
Then I will cackle as you stew and boil,
in a pot full of lard and bubbling oil.
And for those who survive this (they'd liefer be dead),
I'll pluck out their eyes, and chop off their head!
Finally in the wind their bodies will swing,
Then you fools will be sorry for laughing at this king!"
Then all were led away at the point of a sword,
While old Lord Brit took a dip in a ford.
Then he laughed at the cries that screamed through the night,
He chuckled at their anguish, he cackled at their plight.
In Britannia today no one openly tells this tale,
lest they find themselves thrown in tyrant's darkest jail.
But here in our new homeland this song can be sung,
the tale of how British acquired his faint smell of dung.


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Ultima VII Part II: Serpent Isle

Back in Ultima I: The First Age of Darkness, one section of the game world was known as "The Lands of Danger and Despair". Shamino, a recurring character in the Ultima series, was a ruling lord here. The Lands of Danger and Despair vanished after the conclusion of Ultima I and became Serpent Isle, separated from Sosaria, as the world of Britannia was called before Ultima IV.

The original inhabitants of Serpent Isle, the Ophidians, had a culture where serpents played a central role. They eventually became polarized as the forces of Order and Chaos, respectively, and fought a great war that destroyed their culture and left their cities and temples in ruins. Order "won" the war, destroying the Chaos Serpent, but thereby upsetting the natural balance to the point where the entire universe is unraveling. (It turns out that the "Great Earth Serpent" that guarded Exodus's fortress in Ultima III was actually the Balance Serpent that Exodus had ripped from the void, triggering the war between Chaos and Order in the first place.)

Much later, Serpent Isle was re-settled by humans who had left Sosaria voluntarily, or who had been exiled. An alternate name for Serpent Isle is "New Sosaria", a reference to the original homeland of these settlers. Many of them referred to Lord British as "Beast British", and had a very low opinion of him. After he united the lands, and with the establishment of the eight virtues, those unhappy with his rule fled to Serpent Isle. Unlike Britannia, which has eight cities representing the eight virtues of the Avatar, Serpent Isle has three city-states, each with their own beliefs, which are warped versions of the Britannian principles of Truth, Love and Courage.

Launch Year: 1993
Ultima VII Part II: Serpent Isle Cover

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